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A Return to Blogging

It's late. It's early. I'm writing this at one in the morning. I should probably be getting some sleep, but my mind's racing.

I'm in my final year of undergraduate studies, and I honestly need to maintain energy for the papers that are to come. I have presentations. I have academic obligations.

I grew up in poverty, see. Not the desperate sort though. Just the sort if I failed at any step in my life, I'd be thrown from the path I'd settled upon. I would lose all opportunity to escape working class jobs, and have to find work wherever it came.

Naturally, I failed, and had to find work from wherever it came for over a decade.

It feels like a lost decade.

Some way or another, I found myself back in university. And where I once failed, this time, I succeeded. Tried a few things, and had some minor successes and failures. But I have a middle class future again. Hooray!

But there's an oncoming storm called Climate Change that's set to mess up my shit!

Goddamn it!

Where my stomach is I feel a ball of anxiety whenever I think on the future. Just a writhing mess. Naturally, the guts are always writhing. That's what they do. But we humans aren't supposed to feel it all the time!

I'm angry! Just pissed off.

All I've ever wanted in life was enough money so that I could keep my rental unit secure, my electricity on, food in my fridge, and maybe even cable and internet. When I was working, I was always one pay-cheque away from having one or more of these taken away, but I did my best.

And then I lost all that. Lived on the margins for a number of years. Just subsisted. Sunk downward. Deeper. Darker. Depression. Weight gain.

I was a huge burden on my parents. I had no future. My no future matched the world's. Perfectly paired.

Of course, now I'm back in university, one year away from graduating, and living out my middle class dreams. Things changed for the better.

But I'm still anxious and angry. And I don't know what to do about that. I'll just keep trying my best. Maybe even if I can't create change, I can at least make friends who'll shout with me about the lousy world.

I'll keep writing, more and more now. Before, I was raw and unfiltered. Now, I'm probably more academic, but I'm still from the working class. There's no sense in trying to be something I'm not.

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