Skip to main content

A Return to Blogging

It's late. It's early. I'm writing this at one in the morning. I should probably be getting some sleep, but my mind's racing.

I'm in my final year of undergraduate studies, and I honestly need to maintain energy for the papers that are to come. I have presentations. I have academic obligations.

I grew up in poverty, see. Not the desperate sort though. Just the sort if I failed at any step in my life, I'd be thrown from the path I'd settled upon. I would lose all opportunity to escape working class jobs, and have to find work wherever it came.

Naturally, I failed, and had to find work from wherever it came for over a decade.

It feels like a lost decade.

Some way or another, I found myself back in university. And where I once failed, this time, I succeeded. Tried a few things, and had some minor successes and failures. But I have a middle class future again. Hooray!

But there's an oncoming storm called Climate Change that's set to mess up my shit!

Goddamn it!

Where my stomach is I feel a ball of anxiety whenever I think on the future. Just a writhing mess. Naturally, the guts are always writhing. That's what they do. But we humans aren't supposed to feel it all the time!

I'm angry! Just pissed off.

All I've ever wanted in life was enough money so that I could keep my rental unit secure, my electricity on, food in my fridge, and maybe even cable and internet. When I was working, I was always one pay-cheque away from having one or more of these taken away, but I did my best.

And then I lost all that. Lived on the margins for a number of years. Just subsisted. Sunk downward. Deeper. Darker. Depression. Weight gain.

I was a huge burden on my parents. I had no future. My no future matched the world's. Perfectly paired.

Of course, now I'm back in university, one year away from graduating, and living out my middle class dreams. Things changed for the better.

But I'm still anxious and angry. And I don't know what to do about that. I'll just keep trying my best. Maybe even if I can't create change, I can at least make friends who'll shout with me about the lousy world.

I'll keep writing, more and more now. Before, I was raw and unfiltered. Now, I'm probably more academic, but I'm still from the working class. There's no sense in trying to be something I'm not.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The human 'superpredator' is unique -- and unsustainable, study says

Los Angeles Times I can't imagine the world in ten years time. Twenty years. It'll be different. As different as the world was even in my own childhood. As different as the world was from my parents' childhoods. My elders speak of our role on this Earth as caretakers. However, we've abandoned this role in favor of materialistic pursuits. Of finite beliefs that will quickly degrade into ash when stressed, as heated glass touching cold water. All cultures historically warn us away from over-indulgence, and yet our own modern society celebrates this behavior as exemplary. This self-interest is our fatal flaw. We take what we want, and we give nothing. This cannot last. There are limits on this Earth we cannot comprehend in full. It is simply too vast. However, what little we do know should terrify us into acting more responsibly, even if only marginally. However we do not even do that. Our leaders urge us on to continue on as we have done. This cannot last. Eventuall...
1 comment
Read more

Highway of Tears gets $3M for transportation safety plan

CBC News Realistically, there's only so much can be done The long term goal should be to be helping these remote communities become more and more self-sufficient so there's less need for a community member to have to travel to and fro their home to a neighbouring town for particular needs, or to strengthen the presence of civilization along side those roads and highways. However, three million dollars? Honestly, it seems quite a bit low. This is over 700 kms, altogether, with many communities, in-between. And the winter conditions alone are harsh and demanding. Three million dollars will be used up, very quickly. The most helpful part of this would probably be the $1.6 million allocated toward BC Transit. An extra bus per community with an extra diver should help, although it's a question if the funding will stretch to cover all the communities, in-between. Considering this is the provincial government, they can only do so much, and only indirectly. Now it's up to ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Justin Trudeau A 'Stunning Hypocrite,' Top Environmentalist Says

The Huffington Post Canada Some pretty harsh words. And accurate, too. What is the point of more pipelines? Their effect on the Canadian economy seems negligible, at best. At worst, they're sinkholes, employing some, but draining time, money, and manpower from other industries that'd be of more benefit to the Canadian economy as a whole. At some point, the Canadian government's simply going to have to give up on the tar sands. They're a money pit. Canada's days as an oil-producing nation are long over. There's more money being spent on the tar sands then Canada's recouping, now. And the days when barrels of oil were selling at or over $100 per barrel are never coming back.
Post a Comment
Read more