For the past year, I'd been struggling within. For a long time, I'd been telling myself, "I'm such an idiot. I'm a loser."
I realized, one day, last year sometime, I can't be telling myself this.
If there's a truth in the world, it's an insult always hurts.
I can't be hurting myself, any longer. Even with words. And I was hurting myself, daily. Hourly, even.
I had to change my thinking. Bit by bit, every day, keeping constant attention upon my own thoughts. Every time I thought a self-degrading thought such as, "I'm a loser", I had to instantly think, "I can't think like this. I’m not an idiot. I'm not a loser."
It took time.
And then eventually, I realized, I'd gone for months without thinking a self-harming thought.
And from this, I've changed a little for the better.
I'm less afraid of going out. And insults from others hurt much less.
I'm still a long ways away from healthy, but for the first time in a long time, I'm actually getting better. I don’t know how long away from being healthy I am, but for the first time in a long time, I feel as though my health is actually improving.
I realized, one day, last year sometime, I can't be telling myself this.
If there's a truth in the world, it's an insult always hurts.
I can't be hurting myself, any longer. Even with words. And I was hurting myself, daily. Hourly, even.
I had to change my thinking. Bit by bit, every day, keeping constant attention upon my own thoughts. Every time I thought a self-degrading thought such as, "I'm a loser", I had to instantly think, "I can't think like this. I’m not an idiot. I'm not a loser."
It took time.
And then eventually, I realized, I'd gone for months without thinking a self-harming thought.
And from this, I've changed a little for the better.
I'm less afraid of going out. And insults from others hurt much less.
I'm still a long ways away from healthy, but for the first time in a long time, I'm actually getting better. I don’t know how long away from being healthy I am, but for the first time in a long time, I feel as though my health is actually improving.
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