Skip to main content

Manic Depression: a reaction to the death of Robin Williams

Robin Williams didn't have depression. He had manic depression, which is entirely different.
I have it. I'll share my own story. It's not really directed at any one person, but I hope people will take what I say to heart.
It's the brain. Thoughts don't travel through it normally, not at all. They simply race through the brain, untethered. Looping, looping. Thoughts don't go from point a to point b. They go there, and come back, bearing gifts, and having pupped children, too, but only after having made numerous stops on the way. They might have even done some laps or two, like they were racing Nascar. But since these are manic thoughts, they kept turning right.
Manic depression isn't at all sadness. It's closer to insanity. And when you're in the midst of an episode of manic, you might not even realize until after you've entered the circus tent, and then burned it all down to the ground that perhaps you're not quite right in the head.
It's being out of your mind. Except for the few moments of lucidity you might have to yourself in the day, and you're thinking, "I didn't want to do that, at all."
And then, all your physical energy crashes, like you've come down from a week long caffeine rush, and have nothing left, ever. And still your racing thoughts are trapped in a body that doesn't want to do anything, and so, there must be something wrong with you. And so the body fights off the manic crash off like it's fighting off an illness.
All you want is peace from your thoughts. Robin Williams has that peace, now, I suppose, although by now, I bet he'd be thinking, I didn't want to do that, at all.
You know, through his work, as a whole, he perfectly illustrated Manic Depression. Unrestrained in his comedy, never settling, never resting, never breaking for any one topic. He unpredictably raced through one topic, already moving onto the next.
And in his movie roles, he was conflicted, restrained, sombre, and lonely.
Lonely, yeah. There's honestly a thousand miles of thoughts between you and the world.
It's easier just to fake your way through it.
They say, don't suffer in silence. Fuck that. Let me suffer in silence. That way when I next make some noise, I can show you my best side.
And unless there's some miracle drug out there that forces all the thoughts in my head to queue up, and let themselves be resolved one by one like they're banking customers cashing cheques and making deposits, I don't know what else someone can do for me. All I want, all I'm sure other sufferers of this probably want, too, (I'm not a spokesman for any organization, so I'm not speaking from any sort of authority) is for people to understand, and if not that, then at least fake it like you do.
Well-meaning but misplace sympathy is just as bad as ignorance. I don't want it. Save for it a noble cause.
Learn about it, too, Manic Depression. Know there's no cure, merely learning to live with it.
Please also know that anything that I might do isn't the cause of my illness. There is no cause, other then a faulty brain. Anything and everything I do that is out of the ordinary is instead merely the symptom of my condition. I'm tired of people telling me what is wrong with me. I do what I do to relieve my thoughts. Nothing more. Leave me alone with my thoughts.


Popular posts from this blog

Most CRA auditors polled say Canada's tax system is skewed to protect the wealthy

CBC News
This is hardly surprising. This should have been a top priority during the new government's installment over these past few years, but it hasn't. Things should be far better, but they're more or less the same as the previous government. Being slightly better than the Cons on taxes on the well-off isn't an inspiring reason to re-elect these chumps, and they're well within the danger zone of losing the next election over reasons such as this. Why bother voting Liberal if all Canada's getting is less-mean Conservatives. Canadians wanted change, not this tepid nonsense.
Worse off, the optics are awful. Canada needs that tax revenue, now more than ever, what with the government fumbling around in regards to that US President who's intent on tanking economies world-wide.

The New Blacklist

Matt Tabbi, Rolling Stone
I share the concerns voiced in this article.
Honestly, the Russians had nothing to do with the 2016 election. The claims being made are now becoming toxic and insensible. It's difficult to bare with progressives and liberals carrying water for neo-liberals and neo-conservatives. People are being fed yellow cake, and are eating it all up, crumbs and all.
There's no good to be had, attacking Trump from this angle. It's absolutely shameful.

Why Did Two-Thirds of These Weird Antelope Suddenly Drop Dead?

The Atlantic
My goodness. What is suggested in this report is how a changing climate can negatively effect our physiology, which could turn our own bodily systems against itself.
Only one factor fit the bill: climate. The places where the saigas died in May 2015 were extremely warm and humid. In fact, humidity levels were the highest ever seen the region since records began in 1948. The same pattern held for two earlier, and much smaller, die-offs from 1981 and 1988. When the temperature gets really hot, and the air gets really wet, saiga die. Climate is the trigger, Pasteurella is the bullet.