Skip to main content

Manic Depression: a reaction to the death of Robin Williams

Robin Williams didn't have depression. He had manic depression, which is entirely different.
I have it. I'll share my own story. It's not really directed at any one person, but I hope people will take what I say to heart.
It's the brain. Thoughts don't travel through it normally, not at all. They simply race through the brain, untethered. Looping, looping. Thoughts don't go from point a to point b. They go there, and come back, bearing gifts, and having pupped children, too, but only after having made numerous stops on the way. They might have even done some laps or two, like they were racing Nascar. But since these are manic thoughts, they kept turning right.
Manic depression isn't at all sadness. It's closer to insanity. And when you're in the midst of an episode of manic, you might not even realize until after you've entered the circus tent, and then burned it all down to the ground that perhaps you're not quite right in the head.
It's being out of your mind. Except for the few moments of lucidity you might have to yourself in the day, and you're thinking, "I didn't want to do that, at all."
And then, all your physical energy crashes, like you've come down from a week long caffeine rush, and have nothing left, ever. And still your racing thoughts are trapped in a body that doesn't want to do anything, and so, there must be something wrong with you. And so the body fights off the manic crash off like it's fighting off an illness.
All you want is peace from your thoughts. Robin Williams has that peace, now, I suppose, although by now, I bet he'd be thinking, I didn't want to do that, at all.
You know, through his work, as a whole, he perfectly illustrated Manic Depression. Unrestrained in his comedy, never settling, never resting, never breaking for any one topic. He unpredictably raced through one topic, already moving onto the next.
And in his movie roles, he was conflicted, restrained, sombre, and lonely.
Lonely, yeah. There's honestly a thousand miles of thoughts between you and the world.
It's easier just to fake your way through it.
They say, don't suffer in silence. Fuck that. Let me suffer in silence. That way when I next make some noise, I can show you my best side.
And unless there's some miracle drug out there that forces all the thoughts in my head to queue up, and let themselves be resolved one by one like they're banking customers cashing cheques and making deposits, I don't know what else someone can do for me. All I want, all I'm sure other sufferers of this probably want, too, (I'm not a spokesman for any organization, so I'm not speaking from any sort of authority) is for people to understand, and if not that, then at least fake it like you do.
Well-meaning but misplace sympathy is just as bad as ignorance. I don't want it. Save for it a noble cause.
Learn about it, too, Manic Depression. Know there's no cure, merely learning to live with it.
Please also know that anything that I might do isn't the cause of my illness. There is no cause, other then a faulty brain. Anything and everything I do that is out of the ordinary is instead merely the symptom of my condition. I'm tired of people telling me what is wrong with me. I do what I do to relieve my thoughts. Nothing more. Leave me alone with my thoughts.


Popular posts from this blog

Why Did Two-Thirds of These Weird Antelope Suddenly Drop Dead?

The Atlantic
My goodness. What is suggested in this report is how a changing climate can negatively effect our physiology, which could turn our own bodily systems against itself.
Only one factor fit the bill: climate. The places where the saigas died in May 2015 were extremely warm and humid. In fact, humidity levels were the highest ever seen the region since records began in 1948. The same pattern held for two earlier, and much smaller, die-offs from 1981 and 1988. When the temperature gets really hot, and the air gets really wet, saiga die. Climate is the trigger, Pasteurella is the bullet.

Thinking along the lines of this, I suppose

Made a comment at The Disaffected Lib. Reposted here for personal archival purposes, as I may build upon some of the themes within.

Historically, people like Trump tend to be empire's second-to-last leaders. Leaders who lead their nations into stagnant and ruinous policies. Think Brezhnev. Mehmed V.
It's generally a series of unfortunate coincidences that lead to their installments, and it's usually a series of blundering events they create leading to their empire's decline.
Well, helping to lead to their empire's decline.
The political atmosphere which foster these sorts of leaders helps, too.
Trump crawled fully formed out of a membrane which was vomited onto the floor in the United States during the end of Age of Reagan. I really can't say it was inevitable that Trump would win election in the USA, but it was inevitable that someone much like Trump eventually would.
It's down to the momentum of history, I suppose, that it happened.

To rej…

The 2017 BC provincial Election

The BC NDP almost broke through. It's another BC Liberal government, but only with the cooperation of the Green Party. If I had any say with the BC NDP, I'd counsel them that this is an opportunity rather than a setback. The BC NDP almost outright won. Just a few more seats. Just a few more. Furthermore, I'd counsel the BC NDP to put enormous pressure onto the BC Liberals/Green alliance. Offer nothing but poison pills to them. Push bills such as outright shutting down Site C and Kinder Morgen. Test the environmental bonafides of the Greens. See if they backpeddle on their claims to being an environmental political party simply to keep their alliance with the BC Liberals alive. Offer the Greens absolutely nothing but yes or no choices. And make sure that the BC electorate knows what happens if it goes the way of the BC NDP. Also, craft opposition bills to that are popular with the BC electorate that the BC Liberals have historically have had nothing to do with, such as indexin…